Growing up

The strangest thing about becoming a parent isn’t in finding out how little sleep you can function on; nor is it the realisation that you are capable of remembering countless story books word-for-word (brilliant for eyes-closed ‘reading’ when the sleep deprivation kicks in)…no; it’s that a whole new and serious world is opened up to you. Issues that you hadn’t even considered before are suddenly pressing concerns. Did I think that at the age of 20 I would be talking about getting life insurance and writing a will? No. Did I think at the age of 23 I would still be talking about getting life insurance and writing a will? Still no.

The trouble is, I became a parent before I fully became an adult. In fact I am still waiting on the ‘becoming an adult’ part…hence why, despite having been a mum for two and a half years, I am still putting off those important decisions. Parenthood has dragged me into an adult world where, however much I pretend otherwise, I don’t fully belong.

How have I spent my first few child-free minutes this evening? Oh yes, that’s right; sticking sellotape to my face and laughing at myself in the mirror.

Not exactly the face of a grown-up.

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But this is the year I am determined to change. Not the sellotape part; I will never be too old to giggle at that; but the part where, instead of just talking about things and worrying about them, I am actually going to Get Stuff Done. Moving out of my parents’ ‘granny flat’ has been a big turning point for me: I’ve been talking about it for years, and now, at last, I have taken the final step and done it. I really hope I can keep the momentum going and continue on the path to adulthood.

I’m always saying I need to get a ‘for now’ job…but also that I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life long-term. Hopefully with a bit more effort (I’ve become a little lacklustre in my job hunt of late), I might have more luck on the ‘for now’ side of things. And as for the dream career…well, I have a good idea of the sort of path I’d like to follow…but I’ve got to work out a plan of action; discover what stepping stones I need to take….and then actually go for it.

Most of the important choices in life do need to be mulled over for a while before you can reach a rational verdict. I’m fairly happy that I’ve found a good school for Sam…but that certainly wasn’t a snap decision. The new house took some finding…and I’m glad I waited. But there really is no reason why I haven’t got on with sorting out life insurance and a will.

Tragedy could strike at any time after all! There are two things I really want to happen if I snuff it in the prime of youth.

First and foremost, I need to make sure that Sam would be provided for, and also that he is brought up by a person/people who have a good moral compass and who share my viewpoint on what it takes to be a good parent.

My second wish…is that you all come to my funeral – please do! It really will be an occasion to remember. It was planned when I was thirteen, with two girls who were equally as silly as I was/am…and it is set to be terrrrrific! I’m not entirely sure we’ll be able to get John Hannah to read W H Auden’s ‘Funeral Blues’, nor do I think the organisers of the service will deem it appropriate to play the Tenacious D track we were a bit obsessed with at the time…but I hope those girls remember my other wishes (with the addition of a Love Actually style music surprise as I go up the aisle (Kiera Knightley’s wedding)).

Alas, this post has descended into nonsense once again. Oh well. I will tackle my Get Stuff Done list, and maybe one day I will finally earn my ‘adult’ stripes.

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15 Comments

  1. I’m approaching 40 way too quickly and still haven’t grown up. I’ve decided the whole growing up thing is a hoax by previous generations used to con us into doing stuff for them. Or something. I dunno. But I’m totally playing with the tape after the kids go to sleep tonight! Lol.

    • Oh wow! Missed a whole load of comments! Here goes…

      I’m so glad to hear you haven’t grown up despite nearing 40 – I still expect it to creep up on me at some point, but looks like I’ve got a few years in hand! I would LOVE to hear you actually taped your face! I did it again the other day when I was wrapping a present – Sam couldn’t decide whether to be terrified or amused!

  2. I think that a part of growing old gracefully is refusing to accept that you are getting older. I turn 40 tomorrow and I totally cannot reconcile how I thought I’d act at 40 with how I act now that I am going to be 40. I love to drive in my company car through downtown with Keisha blaring out the windows (dance remixes only), I still read teen fiction because the adult stuff is too nasty, and I still hate the guy that bullied me in school. At the same time, I have 2 kids, a serious job and a mortgage like an anchor. The way to get by in life is to know that you have different hats to wear at different times and to never take yourself too seriously. As long as you can laugh, you are as old as you need to feel.

    • Such a great attitude. I tried the proper yobbo style car drive but Sam wasn’t too impressed! I like the thought of having different hats to wear at different times. I think the parent hat is too tight to take off though – on the VERY rare occasion I’ve had a night off to go out and act my age, I’ve been checking my phone every two minutes and been regulating myself: ‘Am I getting too drunk to be any use in an emergency? Yes, almost? WATER!!! QUICK, BRING ON THE WATER!!!’

  3. Why do you need to grow up as long as your responsible, Im 30 something and still very immature, love the sello tape face BTW

    • A few months late with this reply, but thanks, Iike to think I look very attractive!

  4. Parenting does really throw you in at the deep end… but you can still hold on you your inner child. Keep laughing at that sellotape!! x

    • The inner child allowed me to get really excited today, playing in a £4 tent from a charity shop. If I wasn’t a bit ill at the mo, I might even be tempted to sleep out there!

  5. LOL – sellotape faces are ALWAYS going to be funny whether your a kid, a mother or a grandmother! x

    • Good, I think so too! I’ve learnt my lesson though – do NOT put tape on your eyelashes!

  6. Red

    I am a grandmother who has a v.e.r.y. L.A.R.G.E. streak of not wanting to grow up. Embrace your inner child, but do scratch a few things off your “get it done” list. {HUGZ} Red.

    • Fun but sensible as always, Red! I might get writing a new list this evening in timeline form – it’s all very well having all this stuff I know I need to do, but without a deadline I have nothing pushing me to do it!

      • Red

        I hear that. My post last night set my deadline for my next book going live in stone. I have less than a month to get the ducklings in a line!
        {HUGZ}
        Red.

  7. There’s a lot of truth in the saying “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” I’m 34 with a responsible job and mortgage, yet I don’t feel a day over 19 in my head. I’ve just improved on pretending to be serious when I have to ;) I LOVE the sellotape face too – brilliant!

    • Haha – pretending to be serious! I’ve discovered recently my two moods are kid-like or grumpy. I know which one I should be trying to hone!

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